Monday, June 18, 2007


On the bus ride back, I got stuck next to a fat guy. So, although I paid for a full seat, I only got to enjoy the half of it that wasn't drenched in his semi-liquid right arm. The lady behind me filled up enough of her seat to make leaning back impossible, so there I was, smothered against an adipose avalanche. I made the most of it and tried to sleep.

Then his belly literally began to engulf me through the process of phagocytosis. I nodded off while it was happening, and when I woke up somewhere around Baltimore I was trapped in a vacuole, sealed in by a semi-permeable membrane made of phospholipids and Supersized McGriddles. I was like, "Hey dude, what the hell. Let me out."

Other idea for when you get stuck next to a larger person: Build your very own fat fort.


Jay Goodman Tamboli said...

YM "adipose" HTH HAND

Jay Goodman Tamboli said...


Scott said...

I maintain "adiposal" is a word.