I'm leaving on a 6 AM flight tomorrow, God willing, to go be a groomsman for Nick.
DEAR NICK AND GROOMSMEN:
"Not being married, or ever having attempted to marry anyone, I have absolutely no sympathy or compassion for all the work it takes to get married. I'm leaving on a plane at 6 AM tomorrow--that's the plan at least, but who knows what I'll think when the alarm goes off at 4 AM. I may just decide that I don't really care about Nick that much--I mean, now I care about him, but 4 AM Scott doesn't give a fuck about anyone. 4 AM Scott would dropkick a kitten to get to the Snooze button.
"As to my title, you can all continue to call me Scott, so long as you attach "Esquire" to the end of that."