Monday, February 11, 2008

Old Friends

Inspired by a post on TJIC's blog, I googled some people from highschool. I haven't kept up with anyone--indeed, I cut off communication with everyone I knew from then the first year I got to college (I've had my dark times, and wanted them left behind--And I'm a loner by nature). Anyone with a common name wouldn't do, so I looked up the more peculiar, including an ex.

Nothing much for anyone. A few popped up, doing their things.

At first, it's interesting, but it quickly gets unsettling. Not because I'm violating privacy or stalking or anything--I mean I am, but I don't care.

I can't explain, not well at least, why it's so uncomfortable looking into other peoples' lives. I suppose most of the time I don't think of other people--but when you see scattered minutiae of them, from people you haven't seen in years (and the years you've missed have been the wavey ones of young adulthood), you appreciate how much they must have gone through, how deep and intricate their lives are. Does that make me feel less special? Is that why I hate it? Or does it remind me of how fast time goes--or how much has gone by? Whatever, I had to stop after three names.

I get the same feeling walking through schools, college campuses. I think of all the memories I have of school, all the things I went through, how many events transpired, how much memory lies in a particular dorm room, a bench, a corner of the cafeteria, a classroom. And seeing another school, I think of all the meaning other people have attached to this quad, that walk from that dorm to that building, all these things. How epic their everyday is. Stuff I'll never know or touch.

Sometimes I think the reason I'm not religious is this: Christianity is unacceptable, not because it postulates an omnipotent God. That's acceptable. But rather, it postulates that not only does God exist, but I'm not Him. Which is not.

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