By far and away, my favorite passage from the Bible (and you've just got to read it in the King James' to get the full effect) is from Two Corinthians, where Peter sayeth to Jesus, "Master, how shall I enter the Kingdom of Heaven?" And Jesus sayeth unto him,
"Love thy neighbor... unless he comes from a war torn nation in the Middle East, maybe one a President you voted for twice (chances are) destabilized against UN resolutions and under false pretenses and lo with much murder and--what was I saying? Anyway, if your neighbor comes from a place like that, fuck that guy. And, y'know, any children he has who are still alive. America first! Jesus out!" (β)
The vocabulary and grammar are, granted, a bit antiquated, but I'm always impressed by how it retains its freshness and relevance.
β. Some manuscripts here read: "Jabroni--dost thou smell what the Jesus is cooking?" but this is a minority reading that likely resulted from a margin note of Saint Jerome.