Saturday, March 15, 2008

Funny Games Haiku

Nice direction, but
clever as a cinder block.
(I heart Watts always.)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Works Cited

You keep running your mouth and I'm goin to take you back there and screw you.

Big talk.

Just keep it up.

That's what she said.


Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Barrage of Posts and Other Ways to Make Up for Blogless Months

Scott: I'm thinking of reading back in time through Hugo Award winners.


Hanah:
ooh


Scott: Maybe I should start a book club.


Hanah: that's kind of girly


Scott: Maybe we'll hold our meetings in a strip club.

Pregnancy

Hanah: I want to hold the baby.


Scott: You are holding it.... with your uterus.

Works Cited

When they rode out of the hollow both Rincewind and Twoflower were sharing a horse with one of their captors. Rincewind perched uncomfortably in front of Weems, who had sprained an ankle and was not in a good mood. Twoflower sat in front of Herrena which, since he was fairly short, meant that at least he kept his ears warm.

Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

My Blog's Obligatory Spitzer Reference

[22:16:00] Scott says: "His brother, Daniel Spitzer, a neurosurgeon, said: "If men never succumbed to the attractions of women, then the human species would have died out a long time ago.""

[22:16:11] Scott says:
Bitching defense.

[22:16:13] Jay Goodman Tamboli says:
hah

[22:16:14] Jay Goodman Tamboli says:
Awesome.

[22:19:22] Scott says:
If I ever get locked into a sex scandal, I expect you to offer a similarly robust defense.

[22:21:46] Jay Goodman Tamboli says:
Why, are you desperate enough to solicit a prostitute? I don't think you can afford the ones Spitzer went to.

[22:23:00] Scott says:
I'm thinking down the road, after I get bored of wife #3--the one who was smart enough to get a good prenup.

In Which I Encounter Popular Culture

[16:18:26] Jay Goodman Tamboli says: http://newsfromrussia.com/society/sex/05-03-2008/104366-space_sex-0

[16:21:46] Scott says: There's a blurb on that page for Madonna being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. For some reason, she's standing next to a topless guy.

[16:31:26] Jay Goodman Tamboli says:
Iggy Pop?

[16:31:50] Scott says:
Has anybody developed a soda named that yet?

[16:32:03] Jay Goodman Tamboli says:
™ issues

[16:32:44] Scott says:
We could call it Figgy Pop, the world's first fig-flavored soda.

The Finely Oiled Corporate Machine

Coworker: Ogletree Deakins...heard of them?

Scott D. Scheule: Sure, the Professor of Dark Arts in the sixth Harry Potter book.

Coworker: you are by FAR the most Hilarious person I know...really.

Scott D. Scheule: Your friend's firm?

Coworker: []... yes... Ogletree, Deakins, Nash, Smoak & Stwart...

Coworker: Yes, Hello my name is Edward Smoak...

Coworker: wierd last name.

Scott D. Scheule: "This is my office. Everybody calls it 'The Smoaking Section' but I don't get the joke."

Coworker: yep, truly hilarious.

Coworker: I actually laughed at that one... Kudos!

The firm of Ogletree Deakins has their webpage here.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Hmm.

Great day brewing here. In the kitchen today, not one, but two styrofoam cups filled with fruit cocktail. Where did they come from? Are they good to eat? you ask. And while you're asking that, you asshole, I've already grabbed both cups.

Fruit is fantastic. For one, it's filling, so I don't have to stuff myself with hamburger come lunch time--I do, but I don't have to. Plus, for all I know, it's healthier. I'm going to eat more fruit, like Skittles.

Be hitting the gym this evening, even though I can barely move my neck. I guess three years of sleeping on a bed a foot too short for me finally caught up. My neck muscles feel like buried rocks.

That was a simile. Speaking of similes, I've been writing lately. I got bored of my MMORPG. Sure, I was wandering the fields of Vana'diel, synthing and desynthing through the intermediate boneworking echelons, partying in the Crawler's Nest sans map and working up to soloing some of the more dangerous Soldier mobs (they agg by smell and sight!), but I was just going through the motions. Another hobby had to be found. My writing is terrible, to be sure (note, for example, the passive voice here--far better to have written "I write terribly"). And for all I know, it will stay that way.

I'm reminded of a classmate from Wake who decided to go to grad school in music. "I'm sorry, I thought you said 'music.'" "Oh, I did." "Hmm."

That's me, people. "Hahaha. I'm sorry, I thought you said 'writing.'" "I did."

Might as well try, though. That's the balance of things at present, at least.

"Hmm."

Healthy Competition

JELENA: I've noticed my mom has an uncanny ability to get the stains out of things. Like that stain in the tupperware I could never get rid of.

SCOTT: She got that?

JELENA: She got that. My mom's great, and I'm not saying that just because she's my mom.

SCOTT: Yeah. Well. I bet my mom could get out even more stains than your mom.

JELENA: Big words.

SCOTT: Any time you want to hold a Mom-off, you just let me know.