Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Turns out Madoff Securities made less money than He Said, She Said

Back when there were twenty people on the planet it was much easier to be original.




Talk about six degrees being too close for comfort. Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick are the latest known victims of Bernie Madoff's $50 billion Ponzi scheme.

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The latest big-name person to get sucked down into the Bernard Madoff investment scam is Kevin Bacon. You've got to bet he wished he had about 20 degrees of separation from that guy.

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The crap [sic?] thing about being Kevin Bacon, it turns out, is that sometimes you find yourself six degrees from the wrong kind of guy. Such as, for instance, Bernie Madoff.

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It appears that Kevin Bacon was one degree too close to Bernie Madoff.

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The theory that all things can eventually be connected to Kevin Bacon is true, it seems, even of Ponzi schemes.

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Bernie Madoff can now boast that in the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game, his Bacon Number is one.

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And it goes on. Come on, people -- this is fucking Kevin Bacon. He is a cinematic legend: he has battled sandworms, conservative municipal codes, and uppity juvenile deliquents. He provided the voice of that lame ten minute movie inside the Empire State Building that Jay made me go to. He is more than a parlor game: he's a parlor legend. So it behooves us to show just a smidgeon of creativity when discussing his financial woes.

Is he, perhaps, up the Mystic River (and/or The River Wild) without a paddle?

Sounds like Kevin Bacon isn't the only one Telling Lies in America.

Houston... we have a problem.

He played a pedophilic rapist in Sleepers, but now Oscar-nominated actor Kevin Bacon is finding out what it's like to be on the receiving end.

Hollow Man? More like Hollow Hedge Fund!

Blah blah... something about Flatliners.


(I made up that bit about him being Oscar-nominated.)