Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Latin Racquetball Terms

These are my own translations, and may well be wrong, but there's no bad reason to scream out "SEX!" in the gym:

I. ūnus
II. duo
III. trēs
IV. quattuor
V. quīnque
VI. sex
VII. septem
VIII. octō
IX. novem
X. decem
XI. ūndecim
XII. duodecim
XIII. tredecim
XIV. quattuordecim
XV. quīndecim

Sex omnia.

Six all.

Ūnus ad ūnum.

One to one.

NB: “ad” governs the accusative. The only number with an accusative differing from the nominative (for our purposes) is one.

Fuit longus!

It was long!

Fuit brevis!

It was short!

Battuī eam bis!
I hit it twice!

Mea culpa!
My fault!

Grātiās (tibi) agō!


Reditus bonus!

Good return!

Dōnum magnum!

Great serve [lit. offering]!

Pila tua.

Your ball.

Tetigit solum!

(It) touched the floor!

Esne prōmptus?

Are you ready?



(Mē) Obstruxistī!

You obstructed (me)!




Vīcī! Vīcistī!

I won! You won!

Perdidī! Perdidistī!

I lost! You lost!

Certāmen bonum.

Good game.

Quaerō aquam.
I want water.


satis (indecl)



Tē futue Scōte!
Fuck you, Scott!

I prepared these phrases with the purest of intentions, but one of my bosses pointed out that many function as double entendres. While I grant that some are common lovemaking exclamations (Esne prōmptus? Obstrūctiō! Vīcī, vīcī, vīcī! -- Vīctōria! -- ...satis Scōte.) and others are typical of day after gossip (Fuit brevis. Fuit longus. ...tetigit solum... Battuī eam bis!), one really has to have his or her mind in the gutter to connect the remainder with anything coital (Merda!? ... ... ... mea culpa).


I organized a dinner and play outing Saturday for half a dozen or so folks, which went well. The play was all right, but the highlight was much earlier during the meal, when I quizzed Jay on the state of our table and he got it (nearly) correct.

SCŌTUS: Gāī! Habēsne mēnsam?

GĀIUS: Ita est, mēnsam habeō.

SCŌTUS: Quam mēnsam habēs?

GĀIUS: Habeō... mēnsam ex lapidō?

SCŌTUS: Lapide. But otherwise, perfect!

(Translation: Jay, have you a table? Yes, I have a table. Which table do you have? I have the stone table.)

Monday, November 09, 2009

In Loco Parentis

Scott/EYLLP/US: Yeah, I told Diana I'd be a good babysitter -- then five minutes later I told her I killed one of my roommate's houseplants. So I've yet to get a request.

Jelena/EYLLP/US: is your roommate still alive? if so, where's the problem?

Scott D. Scheule/EYLLP/US: My roommate's fine. They reattached the arm and everything, I don't know why he keeps complaining.


BOSS: You want an official 2003 Global Transfer Pricing Update globe?

SCOTT: Absolutely! I'm honored!

BOSS: We've got dozens of them, nobody wants them.

SCOTT: This is the greatest moment of my corporate career. Come round everyone, see my globe! A reward for being the firm's longest intern! Voila!


DAN: Whoa!

Yes, that's right, you all want one now. Envy me. Within it, I can see the future of abstruse international tax regimes. And my nose!