Saturday, February 19, 2011

Watch Parks & Rec

Just when did Parks and Recreation become the best show on TV?

RON: I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Branded

CARLOS: You know what we should do? We should come up with a Latin name for all of the value drivers.

SCOTT: No.

CARLOS: Come on.

SCOTT: Go away.

[Carlos stares at Scott.]

SCOTT: All right, what?

CARLOS: Translate "Branding and Marketing."

SCOTT: They didn't brand and market, Carlos. They raped and pillaged.

CARLOS: Come on.

SCOTT: Let me think.

CARLOS: I know "and" is "et."

SCOTT: Yeah, but we're going to be fancy.




Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Caca

My friend Carlos, from Uruguay, speaks excellent English. Occasionally there’ll be a phrase he gets a little wrong, and I’ll correct it. “Scott, let me explain you something.” “No, Carlos, let me explain something to you.” Or… “Thanks God, I speak English so well, Scott.” “Thank God, Carlos, indeed.”

Nonetheless, I can’t quite bring myself to correct him when he says, “That’s a crap.”

“What do you think of this presentation, Carlos?”

“I think it’s a crap. Why are you laughing?”

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Pets

SCOTT: In Europe, on the other hand, people are very welcoming to pets. They let them in the restaurant, feed them, et cetera. Here, they're kept outside. Hell, the other day they wouldn't even let Carlos bring me into a restaurant. And the thing was, there were already a few dogs in there. And I was like, you let in that Great Dane! C'mon!

WOMAN: That was funny.

SCOTT: Good.

OTHER WOMAN: So, are you done for the day now? Like, check, said something funny, I'm out?

SCOTT: Later!